“Am I doing this right?”(Daily Prompt)

Life has been uneasy lately. But, honestly, when is life easy? We always have worries, we may not be vocal with what worries us or makes us uneasy, but they seem to linger…just like that basket of laundry I refuse to wash cause I don’t know to wash one particular item in that basket. Sometimes, we can take an internal inventory of ourselves and look at what we are comfortable or stable in just to make sure.

“Job?….pretty stable. Parenting skills?….meh. Health(look in the mirror)…no comment. Loved?…..yes, for sure.”

And we take those answers and find ways to strengthen or stabilize them. We seek affirmation from our jobs, our kids….and our loved ones. We might not admit it, but we need that feeling of belonging and recognition. Some of us do not know how to approach that need…we may brag about ourselves to others to feel included or get praise…or we may keep it all in and hope its handed to you by peers or loved ones. People who know me, know that I need affirmation….daily. I didn’t have parents who told me they were proud of me. I’ve been in traumatic and abusive relationships, so I probably need more affirmation than a normal person. That need has hurt my relationships, past and present. It comes off has needy and annoying. But, one good thing about that is that I probably share a lot more than I should. It’s that constant need to explain why I may be acting a certain way. That’s why I believe you should praise people every day…tell them how awesome they are…tell them and show them that you care.

Today’s daily prompt is the word “qualm.” I’ve heard this word many times in my life, but was always unsure about the true meaning of the word. In a few words it means “doubt, worry, anxiety about one one’s conduct.” That’s my life in a nutshell…especially now. Ever since the divorce, I have felt my life was being more scrutinized. Every single snapchat meant something…every single hashtag on a social media post meant something.

“What? He’s taking another picture of pancakes? Who made those pancakes? What? Did you see that glass of orange juice in the background? He doesn’t drink orange juice…oh man, that means something. I definitely see him wearing a different color of jeans, he doesn’t wear jeans like that. Something is going on.”

I hear that a lot. But, I even do it myself.

“Does my daughter seem more quiet than usual? Is something wrong? Is it something I said? Is it because of the divorce?”

It’s ridiculous I know…but it will probably never end. What keeps me confident in myself is although I may be unsure about my internal inventory…job, parenting skills, health. I will always be sure about love. I will never have qualms about love. How I give love…how I show love…and how much love I feel. That’s the only thing I really have control of and I have peace about that.

Want to participate in today’s daily prompt?

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/qualm/

(I’m really excited about the next few episodes on the “When a Nerd Starts Over” Podcast, future episodes will be about dating sites, falling in love, saying NO to marriage, and revisiting the “friend zone” topic. Find all our episodes on itunes, Spreaker, Tunein, and everything else in between. If you want to be a guest on the show, please do not hesitate to contact me at:

 

whenanerdstartsover@gmail.com